Massage Parlor Opens Close to Home

I recognize it isn't very sporting of me to continue joke about all the Chinglish in China when I have only bothered to learn 5 Chinese words. Having said that, there are plenty of opportunities for them to check their use of words and grammar.

I was just approached by a young girl passing out pamphlets for the Golden Resort Massage studio which is apparently located close to may apartment. It's selling points are "Professional Skill, Comfortable Circumstance and Pleasant and Sweet Service.

Under a section called Dream Travel, it reads:

I just believe two people's hand, doctor and cook, the first assure your health, the second meet your desire for food, They are crucial in life, when I lay on the massage bed, hearing therapist getting ready for my therapy. His hand is gentle and strong, the sing of bird and the sound of murmuring stream could be heard. In this massage surrounding and professional skill. I think this person deserve my double trust, he has doctor's hand, and also cook's grade, he understand make mysterious aromatic oil develop mysterious effect.

From the list of massages offered, it looks legitimate. They offer penicures (cut nail, scrape feet, knead feet) which is basically what a Chinese pedicure is. The cut off all your toenails. It eliminates the need for an emery board.