Food & Wine

If you are wondering what happened to the other part of the chicken, look no further. Feet, heads, and everything else you refuse to eat are popular exports to China. Feet and tongues always make the rounds on the lazy susan. I can't say that I've been that adventurous. I tried duck tongue and I can report that it is what you should expect from a tongue. Rough on one side, slimy on the other side with a tendon type thing running through the center. This convinced me I did not need to experiment further.

One of our assistants invited me to a dog show and exposition last year. I looked everywhere for pig ears - I'd been insisting that her dog would love them - but they were no where to be found. Later I realized that all the pigs' ears were competing for space with the tongues and feet on the Chinese dinner table.

The Chinese have stories for everything they put in their mouths. Lychee fruit is good for you but if you eat to many it will catch your mouth on fire and give you fever blisters. Some things are good for your hair, others your stomach and even your toenails. And then there are things to be avoided. Doctors insist, we are told by our office mates, that water with ice is unhealthy. My western colleague pointed out that doctors spun that tale because there was no ice.

Every formal Chinese meal, particularly if it involves a government official, will be accompanied by Bijou, a clear Chinese liquor to be sipped or shot in a small cordial glass. It is common practice at some restaurants to order a bottle. Whatever remains of the bottle at the end of the evening goes to a special cabinet in the restaurant and your name is affixed to the bottle for future use.

A colleague and I were dining with a Korean client at a Chinese restaurant close to the office. The client insisted on ordering a bottle of bijou. I was fairly new to China at the time, but I knew that whatever was in the cordial glass would go down much better all at once. Sipping did not look appealing. After I emptied my glass my colleague tugged on my arm and explained it was Chinese custom that no glass should remain empty. If I continued to shoot the liquor the waitress would continue to fill my glass. Bijou tastes like cheap ever clear vodka. The last thing you want is more.

If you spend any time in China, you will learn skills to politely decline the offer of bijou or other liquors used for gambei (toasts). Toasts are very popular with formal Chinese meals, and they are offered throughout the 2-3 hour feast at 3 to 5 minute intervals. The architect of this form of entertainment had as his ultimate goal to give the foreigner wet brain by the end of the evening. And a gambei unskillfully declined can be an insult.

Women have an obvious advantage over men in that they can insist that drinking is against their constitution. Half hearted excuses such as "I don't drink well" or "I really shouldn't, but thank you" will be met with determined resistance from your host. A female can escape with a firm "Thank you but I don't drink; I would prefer some of that nasty bottled carbonated orange juice with pulp". Men who attempt to decline an offer of bijou are given an unsympathetic ear. The Chinese are persistent and they don't like to drink alone. One acceptable out is to describe in modest detail the chemotherapy and radiation treatments you are undertaking for your liver cancer. This works particularly well for those with thinning hair.

If I am planning a dry evening, I find it useful to bring a hostage along with me to serve as a catalyst for the host's merriment. The newcomer, being unfamiliar with Chinese customs, is delighted for the opportunity to witness the spectacle first hand. The host is thrilled to test his entertaining skills out on both a newcomer and a veteran. Chinese are great entertainers. They will do whatever is necessary to ensure you are having a good time. By the end of the evening, your hostage will have consumed at least three things he would never considered putting in his mouth before, and he will be exceedingly drunk. Hopefully he had a good time in the process.